bored

i have always admitted, sometimes to a point of being annoying that i am really f*cking bored. it's as if life has nothing more to offer but pain and suffering and frustration and despair etc etc etc.

yet in the absence of excitement i see a little flicker of thrill, in the idea that life ain't life without such negation; that the cliche 'one won't know how sweetness tastes like if one haven't had an encounter with bitterness' has truth in it.

more than a month ago, i made a close contact with the ripper. the scars have healed, yet the pain remains. and i guess that'll be the case for days to come.

when asked why i did it, why did i try to expedite my extinction, i simply say the main reason is boredom. too vague to comprehend? yeah i too haven't got the slightest idea why i'm so f*cking bored.

i spend the last months bumming around the house, watching discovery channel, nat geo, history chanell, etc. my life was at a standstill, and it still is. i don't know how to start all over again. ironically, i remain optmistic. crazy.

i maybe ruined, beyond repair, but i keep hanging on.

& i'm f*cking loving boredom.

Day 3

Sporadic islets exist

almost invisible on the face

on the black seas.

This time many have withdrawn

from the battle in the funeral march,

but the golden spark

was still there,

unwilling to surrender,

glowing brightly as if to say

its energy will never exhaust.

The plague

has a venomous tongue.

By the end of this ordeal

the world is painted black no more.

Will see it no more.

Will see them no more.

I'll be on my own and the

blackness will stand

witness to my solitude.

There will be pulling down

of silver string

no more,

nor rolling up of the curtain

of creamed snow.

There will be no more blackness

to cloak my world

but my future will be

equally dim.

Soon I will miss the

golden dewdrops

and tears of neon blue.

The funeral march will go on

for as long as this tomb

is cold - with or without

the world painted in black.

The sapling may never grow

because you keep the sun

behind your gloom,

the nimbus, your shadow.

But I'll miss you, too,

because you are coming back

no more.

I hope you are coming back

no more.

This will be the last glimpse

to blackness

as it fades to many

different shades

of green like emerald

and turquoise beyond.

Suddenly a familiar face

appeared from nowhere...

Why have you come back?

-Toto