Thursday, November 6, 2008

bored

i have always admitted, sometimes to a point of being annoying that i am really f*cking bored. it's as if life has nothing more to offer but pain and suffering and frustration and despair etc etc etc.

yet in the absence of excitement i see a little flicker of thrill, in the idea that life ain't life without such negation; that the cliche 'one won't know how sweetness tastes like if one haven't had an encounter with bitterness' has truth in it.

more than a month ago, i made a close contact with the ripper. the scars have healed, yet the pain remains. and i guess that'll be the case for days to come.

when asked why i did it, why did i try to expedite my extinction, i simply say the main reason is boredom. too vague to comprehend? yeah i too haven't got the slightest idea why i'm so f*cking bored.

i spend the last months bumming around the house, watching discovery channel, nat geo, history chanell, etc. my life was at a standstill, and it still is. i don't know how to start all over again. ironically, i remain optmistic. crazy.

i maybe ruined, beyond repair, but i keep hanging on.

& i'm f*cking loving boredom.

Day 3


Sporadic islets exist
almost invisible on the face
on the black seas.
This time many have withdrawn
from the battle in the funeral march,
but the golden spark
was still there,
unwilling to surrender,
glowing brightly as if to say
its energy will never exhaust.
The plague
has a venomous tongue.
By the end of this ordeal
the world is painted black no more.
Will see it no more.
Will see them no more.
I'll be on my own and the
blackness will stand
witness to my solitude.
There will be pulling down
of silver string
no more,
nor rolling up of the curtain
of creamed snow.
There will be no more blackness
to cloak my world
but my future will be
equally dim.
Soon I will miss the
golden dewdrops
and tears of neon blue.
The funeral march will go on
for as long as this tomb
is cold - with or without
the world painted in black.
The sapling may never grow
because you keep the sun
behind your gloom,
the nimbus, your shadow.
But I'll miss you, too,
because you are coming back
no more.
I hope you are coming back
no more.
This will be the last glimpse
to blackness
as it fades to many
different shades
of green like emerald
and turquoise beyond.
Suddenly a familiar face
appeared from nowhere...
Why have you come back?

-Toto